Saturday, 1 October 2011

The World has gone Mad!

It clearly states in Queen Victoria's Rules of Correct Seasonal Pursuits that "1st Oct requires the dispensation of scarves and wooly jumpers and that bracing walks are to be undertaken in the brisk autumnal air. Ladies are reminded to have their Muffs ready for November."

And yet I have spent the day with my britches rolled up paddling gaily in the sea.

I can't confirm if I am coming or going.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

The Arse-faced Monkey

I've seen plenty of these blighters in my time, but I'm always taken aback by their cheekiness.

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

The Venezualan Pear-Tick

Another strange creature from far-away lands. Found amongst the tropical pear-forests of Venezuala, a most detestable insect, The Venezualan Pear-Tick.

Saturday, 3 September 2011

The Rhino-Bird

Apologies for my inconsistant posting lately. I have taken charge of an orphan-child recently and it's proving rather more time-consuming investment than I imagined. However, the chimney sweeping lessons are going well so soon it will start to pay for itself.
But whilst my more exotic adventures are on hold, I have begun compiling pictures of some of the stranger animals I have encountered and shall be sharing those with you on a regular basisis.
Here is the first, A Rhino-Bird from Mauritius. Very rare and extremely delicious.

Friday, 10 June 2011

Competition Time!

I'm looking for some new recruits to join me on my Expetionising. And as all the other adventurers are off on their holidays soon I thought I should run a competition.
All you have to do is write a brief description of why you think you would make a good addition to my crack expeditionating force, ie muscles, good at fighting Giant Mushroom people etc..or perhaps you could draw a picture? Then post it onto my Facebook page

The best 5 answers win a goody bag (which includes a poster, postcard and comic + maybe some other stuff)
The Toppermost answer will also win an Elephantman T-shirt! Whoooo!

Friday, 13 May 2011

Bristol Comic Expo

I am attending a Grand Exposition of Comics and Journals in Bristol tomorrow. I had printed some special postcards and posters to help promote my imminent adventures. I shall be on hand to answer any questions about explorating/survival techniques. Hope to see some of you there!

Saturday, 12 February 2011

A Big Old Cock

This rather embarrassing photo was taken the other week whilst I was giving Nepalese Cock-riding a try. I do look awkward, don't I? I think it's obvious great big Cocks are not for me.

Thursday, 3 February 2011

Fancy that

I was clearing out some old junk in the cellar this afternoon when I happened upon a little Zombie Monkey. I don't recall ever picking one up on my travels and so am at a loss to explain how he got there. The wretched little thing seems to think I am it's mother and keeps following me around trying to give me mouldy bananas. It really is very annoying.
At present it is hanging rigid from the chandeleir watching me with it's unblinking eyes.
Wortha is going to be livid when she gets home and see the mess it's made on the bonkette.

Saturday, 1 January 2011

Happy New Year!

Good Morning to all! Happy New Year!
Phew! What a night last night was. I trust you all had fun and enjoyed yourselves ushering in the New Year. My head is still throbbing and it pains my eyes to open them, so I am dictating this to Gavin, my TOTALLY COOL manservant.
Wortha and I went round to my Evil Next-door Neighbour, Professor Nefarious's's's party. It was packed with society's well-to-do. There were Lord's and Ladies, Councilors, Dignataries and more rich businessmen than you can shake a waif at. In fact, had a bomb gone off in there Britain would have lost a great deal of it's toffs, leaving the way open for an Evil Genius to overthrow the enfeebled Monarchy and take control of the country. For a while I wondered what Prof. Nefarious might be planning, but a few Gin cocktail's and a dollop of laudenum and I soon forgot what I was thinking.
The evening bore on with much fun and jollity, people were partying like it was 1899, and when Midnight approached the Professor ushered us all out onto his balcony to watch his firework display.
He employed the "Shock and Awe" technique popularised by the Americans in his rather extravagant display which brought forth many Ooohs and Ahhhs from the assembled audience. When the fireworks ran out, The Professor set fire to some orphans he had tied to sticks in his garden. It was a wonderful evening.
But, this morning, with my gin-induced malady still lingering, I can see the true machinations of that terrible mind and what he had been planning all along. The fire is still burning in the slums down by the harbourside and has already cleared two square miles of prime waterside upon which Prof. Nefarious plans to build luxury apartments. It seems he has given up being an Evil Genius and taken a route far more sinister. He has become a property developer. Already he has sold over fifty percent of the apartments to the well-to-do guests at his party last night.
As a new year begins I can only hope that perhaps, in the distant future, reform will take place and a fairer society will exist for all.