Saturday, 30 January 2010

Heed my warning!

Once again, my most humble apologies for not having written anything since September. A rather funny story, actually. I'd been tinkering around with my time machine in the parlour when suddenly I found myself 10,000 years in the future. The human race had split in two over many centuries of evolution. A beautiful race that lived above land and only ate vegetables, called the Lentileloi and a race of ugly, mishapen meat-eaters that lived underground, known as the McNuggets.
I spent most of my time with the McNuggets and formed quite a bond with them. One in particular, her name was Dollop, was keen to tell me what had happened . Apparently the divide had begun around the beginning of the 21st century when eating meat was frowned upon and new healthy "O-granic" diets were being peddled by "O-granic" shops and cafes. Gradually, over the years the meat-eaters were forced underground by an increasingly militant and vicious group of vegetarians. The pudgy, overweight carnivores were no match for the lean, wholesome Vegetablists who hunted them down mercilessly and shut their eating places so that buckets of chicken were almost impossible to come by. By the year 11898 when I arrived,the meat-eaters had devolved into pale, shuffling blobs that had to eek out an existence deep under the earth and only come out at night, while the Lentiloi swanned around in Hemp trousers enjoying their bean-curd and foccacia sandwiches at fancy cafe-bars.
It was a most revealing couple of days, but I was very glad when I managed to re-lubricate my flux capacitor with some lard from Dollop's underarm glands. There was a slight glitch though and I didn't get back until this January, a whole 3 months after I left. Which explains my lack of blogging recently.

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